THE 411

Iyaaa. So why are you here? Base, maybe you're an alcoholic and whiskey drew you in? Are you obsessed with dicks? Or do you have one (if so, then congratu-fucking-lations)? Or maybe you are a self-absorbed, ego-centric, masturbating recluse looking to find your people. If so, yep. Well done. You've come to right place.

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

The 'THOU SHALL' resolutions for 2013

Hey babe, 

You know how we always make stupid New Years Resolutions that make us try to 'better people' and make us do more work and be kinder and all that boring crap? Let's not do that this year. No one even keeps that stuff. I gave up lying on the 2nd January when I told my friend that her new 'short, shaved and bleached' hair cut was cute. Only Miley Cyrus can pull that off. So this year, the resolutions should all be things that are designed with the sole purpose of making ourselves happy right? Cos if you're happy, you not only stop negative atmospheres everywhere but you also just look so much hotter. If you are not happy, you are at risk of gaining one of the following diseases: weight gain; ugly boyfriend syndrome; 'i have nothing to wear'; a constant crooked jawline at every party; unhygienic lifestyle. So, if they are all tailored towards being happy, we're bound to keep them, and then having kept them all therefore means that we'll feel like amazing people when next January comes around. So here is to 2013 and being sexy and selfish.

Love JackieeeeeEEeeee. x

Uno: BE MORE SELFISH. More ME time. Less YOU time. It's about MY FEELINGS. I mean, you've gotta care about his and stuff, but remember that this is a really important time for you, so let's just always say how we feel, BE HONEST WITH EMOTIONS AND GET WHAT WE WANT. It's sort of like when Julian Casablancas sang that 'my feelings are more important than yours - drop dead, I don't care, I won't worry'.

And yeah, basically whatever Julian Casablancas says goes. Because he is a God. I mean just LOOK AT HIM, he's giving me that look that's like, 'I'm so dark and meaningful and look like I'm just going to fuck you up but also by the way I'm totally a nice dad and have a beautiful wife and I'm just generally a beautiful person underneath it all'. Okay, you know what, he's just such a yum delish babe that I'm going to treat you to ANOTHER picture of him, this time rocking his inspiring feather look and being all EDGY.

Due:  Make my life more relaxing and shit. This means genie trousers, lots of baths, more mirrors, a new vibrator, lots of incense sticks, feathers and cushions everywhere, sequins and glitter on everything I own. You get the jist.

Tre: Stop sleeping with all the wrong people (HA. HA. HA. HA. HAAAAA)

Quattro: Spend less money - or, rather, stop spending on others. The cat needs to lose a few pounds anyway. And if I stopped spending on others, I could probably afford this 2012 Chanel bag by next new years': 

Of course, by then it will be out of season, but Chanel goes Vintage in 5 years so I'll be leader of the retro chic by 2018. This can only be a good investment. 

Cinque: Drink less. By this, I mean LESS WATER. Drink more alcohol instead. Starting the day with a bowl of cereal mixed with rum is possibly the best and happiest way to wake up.

Sei: Lose 6 pounds. Wait, who are we kidding? We're practically perfect.

Sette: Be a professional stranger. Approach random people and find out who people are, where they're from, and ask them if they're happy. This both makes you seem like an interested and deep person while making you feel like you have loads of friends. Bonus. Oh, and always give them a hug. 

Otto: WATCH MORE BLACK AND WHITE FILMS. Sometimes I wish that life was in black and white. Everybody would just be so beautiful. 

I'm going to start with Some Like It Hot for the 2nd January. I've seen it over a hundred times, I'm sure, but I just love the bit where Daphne gets out the maraca's and says she/he is engaged to the millionaire:

And the part where Marilyn Monroe is all, "All that's left behind is a pair of old socks and a tube of toothpaste all squeezed out."


Dieci: So here we come to the final resolution. Basically I said to you earlier that the most important thing was to make ourselves happy, right? So I thought, what makes me the most happy? MYSELF. So I should write more about me. I hope you enjoy it babe. 


  1. What you said is pretty much true, about the resolution part. Maybe I should think mine again ^^


  2. Thank you so much for the follow,dear.^^
    This coat was from H&M...;)